The Beast, The GPS Lady, PAM And Paula Dean

Sometimes you just have to wonder what were you thinking when you impulsively do something.  You would think that at our age we would stop and think things through real real careful before making the plunge.  Evidently not.  Yes I am talking about when we purchased the Beast.

It is very wily.  It lulls you into thinking you have it all figured out then it springs on you.  You just get a sense of well being and surprise it is going to test your metal.  Let's see what  you are made of.  Let's see if I can break you.  Well it almost did on Sunday.

We went for a weekend trip to Farragut State Park again.  This time we had no issues with anything.  Life was perfect.  We had great weather!  We hiked to see the museum and just thoroughly enjoyed the outdoors.  We even managed to relax and get a little earned rest.

We knew that when we headed home we had a challenge ahead of us.  We had even taken time to again  entertain the Post Falls Outlet Mall shoppers with our outstanding parking abilities.  Not.  But, regardless we tried and got a little better, or so we thought.  We moved on and put our parking worries aside for the weekend.

Sunday morning came.  We packed everything up and reluctantly left for home.  We should have known from the minute we started the truck that there was a strange force at work. 

I plugged my new phone in and started the truck. The phone suddenly came alive and started giving us directions out of the park.  I didn't know how to make the GPS lady stop so we just laughed each time she told us where to turn.  Now I know you are thinking I set the GPS.  The problem with that is I don't know where to find the GPS much less turn it off.  I can't even find my voicemail on this goofy new Smart phone.  It is a whole lot smarter than me.  If I did indeed set it, it was quite accidental.  As we neared the Post Falls Outlet Mall, we realized it was trying to send us back for practice parking.  We had a good laugh and moved on.  The GPS lady became very frustrated with us and kept telling us to EXIT NOW for at least three more exits.  She finally gave up and moved on to someone who would actually listen. The GPS lady then stopped talking.  I guess she figured she was getting us nowhere.

We made it through the road construction with no major damage, exited without running over anyone and  managed to get the thing dumped and burped with no issues.  We then headed for Bob's.  Dread was upon us, but we knew we had plenty of time to get it done and even had an alternative plan of parking at a different facility called RV Storage for Dummies.  OK, maybe that isn't the real name, but it was easier to get into, but a lot more costly.  Not a good thing. 

Albert was to be the official parker and I was the lookout.  We were in the process and had only minor frustrations with communicating to one another exactly what we wanted the other to do.  Tempers were yet to flare, so I thought we were doing pretty good.  A guy came in with a big fifth wheel he had just purchased and it was his first time to park too.  I thought ah-ha a kindred spirit. It took him about 10 minutes and we had been at it for about 30.  He took pity on us and decided to help.  Thank you kind stranger.  He communicated a whole lot better with the man behind the wheel than I did.  Must be a man thing.  They got it in and all was well with the world or so we thought.

God was not smiling on us quite yet.  I think the vengeful GPS lady was whispering in His ear that we don't take directions and needed a lesson or two.  When we went to disconnect the truck from the Beast, it had an death grip on our hitch and refused to let go.  We rocked.  We pulled.  We pushed.  We begged.  We pleaded!!!  But, no it was not going to let us go easy. 

Two and half hours later, we called our emergency trailer service number out of desperation.  The guy on the other end basically said if it wasn't life threatening to drive it home.  He suddenly realized how close he was coming to having his life threatened when I calmly and firmly explained that was not an option!!!  He immediately said he would get a tech on the phone to assist us.  I really think hysterical women were not his thing.  I turned the phone over to the Man of the House.  The tech explained what was needed to him and then the phone was turned back over to me to relay instruction.  I patiently waited while he got the tools for extraction.  We had everything needed except the WD 40.  I am very resourceful when it comes to improvising and immediately thought of PAM.  Yes PAM.  I had used it before to make my key work in a door and had faith that it would lubricate what needed lubricating.  (Kind of makes me wonder what it does to my insides.)  A few squirts, a careful placement of the screw driver and a whack of the hammer managed to release us from the death grip the Beast had on us.  We were more than joyful!!!  There was dancing going on at Bob's Place. 



We arrived home and the house felt like an oven.  That wasn't what I was expecting since our home is well insulated and usually stays a pleasant 70 something year round.  I turned on the AC, got the truck unloaded and everything put away.  It still wasn't getting cool.  I was beginning to think we had a broken AC.  I went to get a glass of ice water and glanced at the stove.  Yep.  I had managed to leave on a burner under a griddle for three days!!!  It is a double burner griddle and I managed to turn the burner in front off, but just zoned out the back burner.  It is a wonder I didn't burn the house down.  I do have to tell you that Paula Dean makes a very resilient griddle.  It is still in tip top shape after three days of continuous heat and the stove still works.  God was really watching out for us!!!  Thank you Lord!!! 

I know when I relayed this story to my daughter she was probably thinking she will have to put us away sooner than she thought.  But, until we are definitely certifiable, we will continue to blunder our way through life, laugh at ourselves and make others feel good about themselves.  We wonder what is in store for July and really wonder if this is a good idea, but then that is part of the adventure.  We have learned few things and that was the point of our short little trips.  We will continue to expect the unexpected and maybe even listen to the GPS lady next time.  I can hardly wait. Well maybe.

New Profession

I guess after nearly 65 years it is time I learned a thing or two about myself.  I am finding that I am pretty set in my ways, I don't like Salmon, I do love grand babes and I don't like hospitals.  The last one unfortunately seems to be my home away from home.  I have become a professional hospital sitter.  Not a profession I would have chosen, but one that seems to have chosen me.

Now I have to admit that as reluctant as I am to accept this, I really don't mind being there to comfort my loved ones.  They may not say a lot, but the look on their faces when they open their eyes and see me there says it all.  Of course, I can't say they are too glad to see me once I turn on my bossy side.  I am the one that will insist they do what the doctor, nurse or therapist told them to do, remind them to drink their water, eat their meal (only other option is to have it fed to them one way or another), insist they can get up and walk, do some things for themselves or whatever suggestion I find that fits the moment.  Amid the frowns, groans and muttering under their breath, I know they will appreciate it in the end.  Well, they better anyway:)

I have learned to keep a go to bag packed and ready at a moments notice.  That is kind of sad, but very true.  Food, water and reading material are essential.  Paper and pen are also a good idea when having to keep track of what needs to be done, picked up or called. 

I have also learned to watch out for lonely male patients lurking in doorways.  You know they are on drugs because you show up with no makeup looking like you just got of bed and they think you look great in that fire engine red shirt and invite you in for a little visit.  I found I can walk very fast on these short little stumps I call legs.  I also can find emergency routes around said patients rooms.  I mean after all even in a hospital I am queen of shortcuts.

 Most importantly I quickly learn where every hand sanitizer is on my way to the door.  I am a good sitter, but I am also a little germaphobic.  I even learned quickly how to put on the Holy Family High Fashion gowns and gloves provided and proudly strutted the runway of the halls.  Yellow gown and purple gloves, hot stuff.  My only issue with them is they come fully charged with static electricity so my hair was on end the whole time I was wearing it and upon removing I often left looking like I had been scared out of my wits.  Sanitized in room, at elevator before getting on, off elevator because I touched a button and last but not least as I exited just for good measure.  Degermed, frizzy haired and free until the next time.